So we've been a little busy!

Just like after Canaan was born blogging has definitely fallen by the wayside. Ezra was born beautiful and healthy and now we're just enjoying our time off of work with our TWO little guys. We've been to the Cincy Children's Museum, Bass Pro (to see Santa), the Aquarium and this weekend we're thinking about heading to Metamora. But mainly we've just been relaxing and getting to know our latest addition.

I'll maybe get around to posting about Ezra's birth in more detail at some point - but to sum up... it was amazing. If all we faced in having children was labor & delivery I could do it a hundred times more. Walking in the door I was 3cm along. I made it to 7cm with NO pain (pre-epidural - I kept thinking, "isn't this supposed to hurt?") and in total active labor only lasted about 2 hours. I pushed for less than 5 minutes (through three contractions) and he was born! Recovery has also been pretty easy this time around, though it has been tougher in the no-sleep department because Ezra is still sorting out day from night. Canaan has been really great in the role of big brother - he loves helping (fetching diapers, testing out pacifiers, etc. & making sure we're aware when Ezra starts crying - he's quick to let us know, "bebe crying! BEBE CRYING!")! All in all we're loving life as a family of FOUR!



Okay now, off to bed (for the moment anyway)! :)

The End of a Long Road

Last night Canaan woke about 40 minutes after BJ laid him down for the night, crying off and on. I could see on the monitor that he was okay, but couldn't help but sneak into his room to lift him out (something I've only done about 3 or 4 times in the last four months) and cuddle him in his chair for a good long time. I ran my fingers through his soft baby hair and just held him quietly, soaking him up and knowing that he'll be our only child for just another couple of days.

It's really hard to sum up the last four months. It's been a really... really long road but it has also been a time of tremendous blessing. And now to make it farther than anyone (even our doctors) dreamed possible... it's just overwhelming to live in this moment knowing we've been given such an amazing gift in our children both beating the odds.

Now we have one last hurdle to cross before we can start the next chapter of our lives. We are scheduled to be induced on Tuesday morning and if all goes well we will bring Ezra home on Thanksgiving Day (what could possibly be more appropriate?). We have so very much to be thankful for!

Not wanting to have a child on I-74...

My labor with Canaan was pretty quick (5 1/2 hours) and scary with nearly having to have an emergency c-section. This time around labor will likely be shorter (potentially much shorter). Plus we live about an hour from the hospital and have a little man to pack up! I felt for a little while there that my the doctors at my OB's office weren't understanding my quick labor fears - one of them (the OB who is also former Bengal's cheerleader and not the smartest cookie in the jar) actually did affirm this fear but told me that babies born in cars are usually fine and to just have string and towels ready (WHAT?!).

Thankfully at my last couple appointments I've been getting a lot more support (from the other doctors in the practice). Now the plan is (unless I do go into active labor) for a decision to be made at each of my OB appointments - starting at 37 weeks - whether to send me over to deliver. It's such a relief that my doctors might send me to be "induced" (for me induction just means breaking my water. No Pitocin is necessary when my body's been wanting labor for four months!)! Hopefully now I'll stop having dreams about delivering Ezra in our bathroom! And who knows, one of our appointment dates is 11/11/11, so that would be pretty sweet! :)

UPDATE FROM MONDAY (as you could probably guess) -

BJ and I are so excited to meet our sweet Ezra, but we're pretty thrilled that didn't happen yesterday! Our little guy is growing well (5lb, 12oz) and everything looks great!

Week 35 Update... Countdown to Ezra

So the biggest news is that this past week Ezra very officially dropped -- two weeks earlier than Canaan did -- making walking even more interesting (any movement on my part means both a contraction and managing the uncomfortable feeling of a very low baby)!

Friday we had a very interesting OB appointment. We found out that...

• I am 1cm dilated, confirmed that the baby has dropped - he is LOW (the doctor could feel that the baby's head is shaping to my pelvis so we should expect a cone-headed little babe).


• While I am now officially scheduled to be induced on November 22nd at 39 weeks, I was told not to expect to make it that far (probably a safe assumption).


• Lastly - probably because Ezra has dropped - my belly is measuring at 30 weeks (5 weeks too small). We are going to have an ultrasound on Monday to be sure he hasn’t stopped growing since the last time we took a peek at him. If there is a growth restriction issue then they might send me to have him on MONDAY... like tomorrow. Obviously we’re hoping that he’s growing fine and I’m just small! If we can avoid the NICU by hanging on another couple of weeks that would be so wonderful.

Another big thank you to my sister Julie for snapping a couple pics of me and my belly!

And we're still okay!

At the beginning of this pregnancy I was already pretty sad about its end - as we figure that this will be our last time having a baby. I wanted to savor every little thing knowing that I will more than likely never be pregnant again (even though we would love to have more children). And, in a lot of ways I still feel that way. Every little baby hiccup and kick is still amazing to me, and there is the thrill of the unknowns (happy unknowns) - will he look like Canaan? Be big or small? Have red hair? What will his personality be like?

We are so blessed to have this little one on his way, and we feel really confident at this point, in huge part because of all the support and answered prayers, that he will come home to us healthy and near/at full term.

But we are also at the point now where we are ready to be done and move onto a hopefully more calm, normal life for a while (albeit one with of course much less sleep and post-baby physical recovery for me).

So far during this pregnancy (between BJ and I) we have had 3 hospital stays (total of 4 stays this year) and have faced/continue to face preterm labor, anemia, kidney stones (this and the recovery after the birth of Canaan are the two most painful things I have ever experienced), hydronephrosis (compression of the tube between my bladdar & kidney causing my right kidney to atrophy), extremely low blood pressure (in the hospital this week I was at 55/34 - they actually brought in another blood pressure machine because they thought theirs must be broken) and BJ's pericarditis (inflammation around the heart).

Yes, it's getting a little ridiculous! :) With all this drama I'm starting to get a little more nervous about the BIRTH (please not in the car, PLEASE not in the car)! I'm just praying things go smooth since we have a pretty bad track record lately! BUT, no matter what, we have a truly amazing and faithful God who, with each challenge, has helped carry us through. It seems like EVERY time I start to feel overwhelmed and unsure there is suddenly a solution out of nowhere - usually in the form of an amazing friend or family member stepping in to show our family love and support. It's easy to keep coming back to how blessed we are!

Baby Bump Update

Tomorrow I will be... dun da DA!! THIRTY weeks!

This is the milestone I have been so excited for! This whole process for me is like running... which I hate. The only way to keep going is just to convince myself to run to just that mailbox. Then when I get there... just to the light pole, and so on. And pretty soon, before I know it I've run 200 meters ;) (yep, really hate running).

So now that we're here at 30 weeks I can look forward to 32... then 34. Now, with each milestone I am getting some pretty sweet rewards! Each one to me is like Christmas morning. With this one (30), I am allowed to sit up a little more AND try going downstairs every few days and lay on the couch (can't wait to do this tomorrow!!). And as long as I continue to stay stable (ie not dilate), around 32 weeks my doctor will let me start going to church again (in the wheelchair). After nine weeks laying in bed these privileges make the next 8 weeks seem so much less daunting (especially since I know that the closer we get to the end the more time is going to draaagggg). But now that I've made it to the mailbox I know I can make it to that light pole! :)

And another bonus, I passed my 3-hour glucose test! :)

I will leave you now with some adorableness...






A big thank you to Julie for capturing these moments!

All up in there...

Dear Ezra,

Let me introduce you to the underside of my ribs. Just a little FYI, this is NOT an awesome place to hang out. You can just take my word for it. I promise.

Okay, well... so you're pretty much are in control of everything right now anyway... and are putting up with hundreds of contractions... so I guess you can go ahead and enjoy the new-found spot. :) Just this once. And then not again.

Love,
Momma

PS. love you to a million pieces.

Moo-wah!

Canaan has this really funny obsession with the moon. When he was a really little baby, BJ and I were taking a walk with him around the neighborhood and he saw the moon for the fist time. His eyes got wide and his arm shot up with a dramatic point towards the sky. For a long time since then he will always try and find images of the moon in his books (since a lot of our books seem to revolve around bedtime it's easy to do). If we flip past the page to read on he's quick to stop us and head back to the glorious moon page.

Then this past June when he first started to open up verbally his first word (beyond "this", "Mama" and "Dada") was "moon". Walking out of church after the last day of VBS he quickly noticed the moon, pointed up and shouted "MOO!" (yep, I about cried). "Moo" has evolved into "moo-wah" as he works on finding the "n', but his meaning is clear. The boy loves the moon.

A few weeks ago (after I'd begun this long stint in bed) BJ and his Mom took Canaan out for a little walk. He marched around the house with a determination to find and point out the moon to them. BJ said he tried to stop him since it was the middle of the day, but sure enough Canaan found it quickly hiding behind our house.

Today I've been working on our 2011 family album and I of course had to create and add in a bit of the moon to remember this stage of Canaan's life where something so simple could hold his attention & imagination so intensely. Life is magic at this age. And we love that boy to the moo-wah and back.

Scenes from the Bed

THE STATS:
24 Weeks!
3 Weeks (and 3 days, but who's counting?) in bed

This past week has been, in a word, overwhelming. BJ started a fever and experiencing chest pains Monday night, and by Tuesday morning he was in the ER and eventually admitted overnight for inflammation around his heart (caused by a virus). I really feel like everything we've been going through played a part in him getting so sick - he has taken on so much and has such a heavy burden of being both mom and dad and caring for me. It's so difficult now to see him step back into these roles without being able to have the recovery time he needs.

Then Wednesday I had my weekly OB ultrasound and we discovered I have started significantly funneling (similar to dilating but from the top-down), which never happened with Canaan and hasn't happened thus far with Ezra. Seeing that my condition is only getting worse despite all we are doing was really discouraging and pretty frightening as well. Up until now I have really felt confidence that this would end well - with a happy healthy baby. For the first time I really started to fear that that might not happen. Now, four days later, I am emotionally in a much better place and finding peace again (the God who loves us and loves Ezra more than anyone - is the One who is in control), but of course I have my moments.

Thankfully, we have our AMAZING army of helpers (bringing meals, helping watch Canaan, running errands, cleaning, sending cards & care packages, encouraging us and praying for us)! How families go through things like this without the support is really a mystery to me. Even in the midst of everything it's pretty clear that we are very, very blessed.

We have another blessing... his name is Canaan. :)



He keeps us laughing...



...and entertained!



All the normal rules have gone out the window! Cookies in bed!! WAHOO!!

My 11th Day in Bed

22 weeks.
11 days on strict bedrest (including 3 days of hospital bedrest).
126 days until our official due date (November 28th).



Yesterday marked 22 weeks pregnant! Every new week has become a treasured milestone, moving us closer (seemingly inch by inch) towards our goal of making it to September 17th (30 weeks). In a way there is an added peace we have this time that we didn't have with Canaan - knowing we have been here before and made it through to the other side. But what we face now is a challenge greater than with Canaan - with the pre-term labor starting two precious weeks earlier. And the hardest part for me has been losing my ability to be a Mom. I never knew how much I would miss bath time, refilling sippy cups, being able to pick him up, even diaper changes. Still, I give my worries and moments of sadness to God, try to stay positive, and He continues to give me strength beyond what would come from within myself naturally.

BJ has been truly amazing, taking on the role of a single working dad - enduing mentally grueling 10-hour shifts at work and then laundry, grocery store trips, house cleaning, watching over me and working to fill both mom and dad roles for Canaan. We are so incredibly thankful for our families, our friends and our church. We have been blessed with so much love and support!

My next ultrasound is tomorrow afternoon, and hopefully the test results are good enough to allow me to stay at home and not be readmitted to the hospital! But whatever happens, we'll gladly do whatever is necessary to bring Ezra home safe! I know there are plenty of people who would happily change places with me and go through all of this if it meant they could have a child. I try not to forget that when I'm starting to feel the itch of self-pity.

My Hiding Place

Having just completed "The Hiding Place", it's difficult to find myself anything but grateful - laying in bed on day #1 of bedrest. Even with an uncertain number of days ahead of us I am so thankful to God...

• That Ezra is still in there. One more day down.
  
• For BJ - even after a long 10 hour day taking calls from angry people he came home to be Mr. Mom and my help without a single word of complaint. Only support, concern and love.
  
• For the reminder of how blessed we were with Canaan to have had him arrive full term and perfectly healthy. Every milestone met, every smile, even every cry - we are indeed overwhelmingly blessed.
  
• That I have a comfy bed to lay in.
  
• For a good book to read.
  
• For intelligent, careful, caring doctors.
  
• For the medicine that already seems to be helping keep the contractions at bay.
  
• For the video baby monitor making it possible for me to see the sweet baby I miss already.
  
• For our wonderful friends and family who are already helping us in so many ways.
  
• For Ezra and his sweet, strong kicks.
  
• And of course, for plain M&M's.
  

----------------------------------------------------------------

Corrie ten Boom and her sister Betsy, after entering their barracks at the concentration camp, Ravensbruck (for hiding Jews in their home).

....

"That's it, Corrie! That's His answer. 'Give thanks in all circumstances!' That is what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!"

I stared at her, then around me at the dark, foul-aired room.
"Such as?" I said.

"Such as being assigned together."

I bit my lip. "Oh yes, Lord Jesus!"

....

"Thank You," Betsy went on serenely, "for the fleas and for---"

The fleas! This was too much. "Betsy, there's no way even God can make me grateful for a flea."

"Give thanks in all circumstances,'" she quoted. "It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances.' Fleas are part of this place where God has put us."

And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsy was wrong.

....

One evening I got back to the barracks late from a wood-gathering foray outside the walls. Betsy was waiting for me, as always, so that we could walk through the food line together. Her eyes were twinkling.

"You're looking extraordinarily pleased with yourself," I told her.

"You know we've never understood why we had so much freedom in the big room," (all other barracks were under rigid surveillance, guards in their warm wool capes marching constantly up and down) she said. "Well - I found out."

That afternoon, she said, there'd been confusion in her knitting group about sock sizes and they'd asked the supervisor to come and settle it.

"But she wouldn't. She wouldn't step through the door and neither would the guards. And you know why?"

Betsy could not keep the triumph from her voice: "Because of the fleas! That's what she said, 'That place is crawling with fleas!"

Half Way!

Today marks 20 weeks! We're so excited to welcome our little Ezra this fall. It's funny how I really always knew that this was a boy, from the moment I found out we were having a baby I just knew (and hoped). On that day 14 weeks (or so) ago I went into Canaan's bedroom, slowly rubbed his back to wake him up after a long happy nap and told him, "Ezra's coming, sweetheart! You're going to have a little brother!" (Funny that if I had been wrong I wouldn't be telling this story!).

20 weeks also is a milestone for me for another reason all-together. It was around this time when I was pregnant with Canaan that my long relationship with our couch began. And... it seems, I'm headed there again (but not yet officially, thankfully). We will have extra challenges this time around, but we are also blessed with the knowledge that everything can turn out just fine, with another healthy (full term) baby. We just need to get through the next few months. It's only temporary, and it's all worth it.


Excited to see our sweet little guy again this Thursday. At least one small perk to being high-risk.

GG Murphy

BJ's Grandma Murphy is a seriously amazing woman. Even in her 90's she still cooks, cleans and helps look after little ones. And she is sharp as a tack. We love listening to her stories, laughing with her and seeing her and Canaan together. BJ and I are so blessed to have all of our Grandmothers still with us.

This weekend BJ's Dad visited and he picked up Grandma for a little trip out to our place...



...we fed the fish...



...many many catfish to be specific...



...swung, climbed, played...



...and savored time with each other.



We also celebrated Maria's 25th birthday!

Language Explosion

Over the past six months (ever since our 12 month well baby check-up where I was told "most babies have 10-20 words by now"... and I've since learned that that isn't even true) it's been really difficult not to worry about Canaan's verbal development. At 16 months he was assessed by First Steps as having a speech delay but we decided against therapy for a few reasons. But we have found new ways to interact to Canaan in hopes of helping him along (thankfully we are blessed to have some truly amazing friends who are professional speech therapists (Chrissy & Sarah - we love you!) - their advice has been invaluable). While my worrying self has had more than a few sleepless nights... my rational self has known that Canaan was just working it all out in his own time. And so he has.

Two weeks ago at Bible study I was sharing my fear that Canaan might NEVER talk. Since then, in less than 10 days, Canaan has gone from having just one word ("this") in his vocabulary to NINE! Canaan can say...

Moon (Pointing up at the moon, "Moo!")
Hi
Puppy
Cracker (Asking for another, "Ka-kur")
Baby ("Bebe")
Mommy (from a rambling mamamamama)
Daddy (from dadadada), and
Banana ("Nana")

And he still says "this" whenever he doesn't know what to call something. (My qualification for a word are that he says it on his own and knows what it means (not just repeating us, which he is also doing a lot!). )

And I have to say, my favorite is "Mommy" (or as he says it, "Mom-MEE". Outside of Canaan's first cry and first laugh, it's been one of the most truly amazing things to hear. He's really mine.

A Break from the Rain

I absolutely love being outside with Canaan - every little thing is a thing of wonder. Tree bark, grass, mulch, bugs, mud & even the wind are all new and exciting thrills. It's been a couple months for me of extreme fatigue, but the fog is starting to lift now that I am entering trimester #2. It's so great to feel more like myself again and be able to really take in and savor moments like these.









BJ has been doing to much amazing work around the yard. I'm blessed to be able to just watch it continue to take shape and enjoy the fruits of his labor (literally). He added a fence around garden #1 this year to keep Zoe out of there. Last year we'd be waiting on a gourd or melon to find it's perfect ripeness... just about the time that the dog would decide she was bored enough to grab it and start rolling it and chasing it around the yard. But not this year! :)

Turkey Baby

This year we will have a lot more to be thankful for on Thanksgiving! Our second little stinker is due to show up November 26th! We are so excited to grow our family and have two so close together (just a couple weeks shy of 2 years apart, assuming this newest addition is full term).



This past Saturday marked 11 weeks along - aside from the normal fatigue I'm feeling great and the baby looks great. During the ultrasound at 9 weeks we got to see him (I'm used to a boy, hence the "him" - I can't help it) to a little jig which was pretty amazing! We also were able to see his tiny little heart beating.



Of course this time around we're pretty cautious, though we've been told there's nothing we can do to prevent pre-term labor from happening again. We're saying a lot of prayers that things will go smoothly, but even if I have to go on bedrest again, God is still good, amazing and so generous. Mentally it would be easier this time - having already successfully been through it. Physically, however is a whole other story - with Canaan to care for still if I need to be off my feet for half my pregnancy like last time. But, we'll cross that bridge if we come to it, knowing that of course we'll do whatever it takes to bring home another healthy baby. In the end, four months of difficulty is completely worth it to have this new life!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is that magic day that comes around once a year, and this day is perhaps the best one of all because, you see, I am one year older than BJ. I have had to suffer ALONE in my 30's for almost an entire year. But... for the next 29 days we will be the SAME AGE.

I love you BJ! So does this little guy...



A HUGE thank you for all who sent photos to help celebrate with us! It was so much fun putting the real-life Facebook wall together! Photos to come!

Oh the Joy...

... in a few file boxes out from where they are usually stored. Canaan played pommel horse on them for a good 20 minutes.

Trying New Things

So Canaan has suddenly become a very picky eater... out of nowhere, with no warning whatsoever. So, we're trying a few new things, including oranges (success!) and waffles (mild success). The waffles are more fun for him than anything.

This second shot (below right) is a perfect example of not being quick enough with the camera. I discovered this wild man sitting peacefully in his comfy lounger, reading one of his new thrift store books. I tried backing away inconspicuously... turned around to reach for my camera... and as quickly as I did that the book was dumped and he jumped up to see what I was doing. Poor little piglet looks like she's falling out of the chair. Piglet is a girl, right? Hmmm...

Speaking of thrift-store finds... I nabbed some seriously adorable toddler clothes this weekend while exploring the isles of used goods with Katie and Jasmyn. Here they all are, washed (twice.. yes... OCD) and ready to be put away.

Balancing on one leg... Love him.

A Night In

To night while the boys (Chap, Tim & BJ) enjoyed a concert at the UG, Erin and I hung out at home with the boys. Nights like this happen to infrequently, getting the chance to talk and talk after the boys are all asleep -- mine upstairs and hers so sweetly curled around her.


Aren't they just the sweetest???

Happy St Patty's Day!

A big thanks to Auntie Kris for Canaan's awesome t-shirt! :)

Our Spring Ritual

I was so eager to post about Canaan's haircut that now I'm having to go a little our of order to share with you about the rest of that day.

First there was a little bit of sidewalk chalk action.







Then... the planting.

But first I have to back up.

Three and a half years ago BJ and I moved into our house on five acres of land... not knowing that an obsession would slowly begin growing. And growing. (Side note: what do you do when the obsession IS GROWING? You plant things. LOTS of things.) It's a little over the top the amount of trees that have been planted, with trees for our landscaping, the orchard project and the white-pine privacy fence that will hopefully exist in 2025. Every year we get at least 100 of these white pines delivered (for just $35, thank you Indiana DNR) that then have to be actually put in the ground.

Thankfully this year our friend Chapman came to help BJ out with the project while I hung out with the little dude. After Canaan and I returned home from a little shopping trip & left our artistic mark on the driveway we joined the guys and the dog in the yard.

I love this picture (as sad as it is), because it so honestly reflects the new reality for poor Zoe.



A little unsteady on this uneven muddy ground.



Finally made it to Daddy to be a big helper.



Checking out Daddy's fancy new orchard fence (ie last summer's big project).



And finally, the bulbs we neglected to plant in the fall that decided to bloom with our without our help.

Baby Barbershop

A few weeks ago a nursery worker at church mistook Canaan for a girl... a big sign to us that it was in fact time for Canaan's first official haircut. Tonight we took on the task of shaping the locks of our wiggly silly little man.

Checkout his mini mullet that had been showing up lately during bathtime...









Canaan seemed pretty pleased with himself afterwards.





BJ is the now officially the new house barber!